Understanding jealousy

Are you jealous?

It's a legitimate question. Whatever answer you might give, yes, no, sometimes or it depends on the situation. It's irrelevant to me. Your answer is based on a level of truth you allow yourself to see about you. But that's not really the point. The most important answer you could give me to this question is something that would tell me how good you understand what jealousy means.

I'm not giving you the insecurity/fear/anxiety speech. These are for me, only responses to jealousy. So tell me what are the reasons you might get jealous for? No, don't tell me if your girlfriend spend times with another guy. I don't give a fuck. That's not a reason, that's an excuse to be jealous. The concept of jealousy comes directly from the concept of competition. What does it mean? Do you remember my thoughts and theories about humans being animals. Well you got it, competition is a root level concept of the animal kingdom. It means, as animals, we'll face, throughout all of our lives, different kind of competitions.

Jealousy is a feeling you might have, when you forgot about how inevitable competition is. Let's look at it this way. If you anticipate a loss, without having fought, then you're jealous. It's some kind of distortion of the animal we are because we don't see ourselves as animals. If I say, competition is everywhere in everything because it's our nature, our fate, then, it would be accurate to be competitive. Even when there's little hope for a win. You just need to compete because you shouldn't question it.

 

Let's make an example. You and your girlfriend are in a relation for some times. You notice she has particular interests in someone else she's friend with. You feel somehow threaten by the situation she's putting you in. Because of this cultural concept we invented, the couple, we exposed us to the illusion that the other shouldn't put you in a competition. You know, because you put thrust in your relationship and morally, we all agreed on some kind of unwritten contract about what is appropriate and what is not. One of them is the elimination of competition. Which is, if you understand our animal nature, something at the complete opposite.

 

That said, if to be jealous is about refusing competition, then it can't be the right thing to do considering our animal nature. Actually, it should have never existed, only if we would have been honest about who we are. Next time you feel threaten or you anticipate defeat. I suggest you compete instead of complaining to the person who put you in the situation.

Victimization

This is a very delicate subject to me. The main reason why is about how my mother is. She's in the eye of an hurricane named Victim.

Victimization is, to me, the worst thing to do ever. The way people, like my mother, refuse to see their problems as their own responsibility, pretending to be victims of others so we should feel pity for them even if you know there are solutions available. It disgust me at the uttermost level possible. Let me explain why.

First of all, you're never a victim. You choose to be one. Alright, I'll admit it, if you're 10-12 years old and some bastard takes your anal virginity in a shed with Justin Bieber posters on the wall. You're a victim. No one should be forced to look at Justin Bieber while being raped in the ass. Let alone the jokes, there are very bad situations people can't help, they are rightfully victims. Besides these, you're not a victim, you're choosing excuses to be pitiful.

By acting this way, not only you're not helping yourself, you might became a pain in the ass for others and I've yet to mention if they get tired and figured out the victim's game you're playing, they won't accept to be victims of your exaggerated victimization. Funny thing, it leads the "victim" to think he's more of a victim. Ugly.

Second, and it's the absurd part, you are, in some way, really a victim. Not of others or situations you blame your problems for, but of yourself. Victimization is a pattern and a destructive one. It's the reflex to always think the only way to solve them is for other peoples to see and feel your pain so they'll change their ways to stop or prevent you from being hurt. It's being coward, to lack courage to tell yourself the truth and making the needed changes to really solve them by yourself.

For example, a wife is blaming her husband for not taking care of her enough. She thinks the only way to solve the problem is for him to change his ways instead of thinking why, he might not be more tempted to spend time with her. Maybe she's not telling him the right way or maybe she's not making an effort to be interested about what he do, so he'll be more influenced to do the same. Another way to see it is if she's not happy, because she thinks her sadness is bound to her husband not taking care of her, then why not to look for happiness elsewhere. That doesn't mean she needs to leave him. It may be something like spending more time with friends, or starting a new hobby. What I'm trying to say is the real problem is the way she handles the situation. If she were dealing with it without leaving the only solution to her husband to change, then she would make the needed changes more easily and with more efficiency.

If you can't help yourself at least a little, don't expect others will do all the sacrifices for you. It won't happen.

For the record, my mom made my sister's a crying scene because she was complaining she knows nothing about my life. Which is not 100% true nor absolutely false. She knows a lot, but not anything. Who expect to know every aspect of his almost 30 years old son's life? All of this started when she saw a picture of me on Facebook with a girl she didn't knew. I know you may think I'm complaining and in some way I'm acting victim too but I'm not. I refused to play the game with my mom. I'm just trying to make a point.

Final word. Seeing yourself as a victim will never make things better. So get your shit back together the minute you recognize the pattern. And it's easy to notice it. If you think your problems are because of others. Then you're playing victim.

P.S. That's not the only event that made me think about victimization. There are so many, done by many people I know, me included, and none of them was justified after thinking of it.