Are you jealous?
It's a legitimate question. Whatever answer you might give, yes, no, sometimes or it depends on the situation. It's irrelevant to me. Your answer is based on a level of truth you allow yourself to see about you. But that's not really the point. The most important answer you could give me to this question is something that would tell me how good you understand what jealousy means.
I'm not giving you the insecurity/fear/anxiety speech. These are for me, only responses to jealousy. So tell me what are the reasons you might get jealous for? No, don't tell me if your girlfriend spend times with another guy. I don't give a fuck. That's not a reason, that's an excuse to be jealous. The concept of jealousy comes directly from the concept of competition. What does it mean? Do you remember my thoughts and theories about humans being animals. Well you got it, competition is a root level concept of the animal kingdom. It means, as animals, we'll face, throughout all of our lives, different kind of competitions.
Jealousy is a feeling you might have, when you forgot about how inevitable competition is. Let's look at it this way. If you anticipate a loss, without having fought, then you're jealous. It's some kind of distortion of the animal we are because we don't see ourselves as animals. If I say, competition is everywhere in everything because it's our nature, our fate, then, it would be accurate to be competitive. Even when there's little hope for a win. You just need to compete because you shouldn't question it.
Let's make an example. You and your girlfriend are in a relation for some times. You notice she has particular interests in someone else she's friend with. You feel somehow threaten by the situation she's putting you in. Because of this cultural concept we invented, the couple, we exposed us to the illusion that the other shouldn't put you in a competition. You know, because you put thrust in your relationship and morally, we all agreed on some kind of unwritten contract about what is appropriate and what is not. One of them is the elimination of competition. Which is, if you understand our animal nature, something at the complete opposite.
That said, if to be jealous is about refusing competition, then it can't be the right thing to do considering our animal nature. Actually, it should have never existed, only if we would have been honest about who we are. Next time you feel threaten or you anticipate defeat. I suggest you compete instead of complaining to the person who put you in the situation.
I am very jealous.
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea.
Kidding aside, I don't agree to your conclusion that jealousy is against human nature. Let me propose a compromise. When jealousy bring cynicism and a lack of action, I agree. But it's a feeling, experienced to a certain level, that you can use for yourself. Haven't you ever told yourself: "I want to be like that guy" or "I want to be where he is, to have what he has".
That kind of thought can move people forward (not EVERYONE but some people yes). It moves me forward. If I have the same skill set and the same passion than somebody else and I'm lower than him, it's going to stimulate me to go harder at what I want and take the bread from his mouth.
It's cynicism inducing jealousy that I have something against. Sometimes you can't change things so you recede in that zone where the other is wrong and you're right about everything and that's the real danger of jealous (in my humble opinion).
Ben, I think we are, in some way, saying the same thing.
ReplyDeleteYou made me understand that there's a "bad" jealousy, whining about a possible loss, and a "good" jealousy. The one, like you said, that motivate you to step up.
And the word here is competition. My message here was exactly your story. Compete. What I called jealousy is the behaviors of complaints which lead to tensions between individuals.
I said, as an animal. Thou shall compete. If you refuse it, you're refusing your own true nature. The one that defines us as survivors. We're here because the humans competed and won. And for that, I'm thankful for my animal ancestors.
Ben, it your explanation on how you live jealousy, I see an animal. A fierce one. Who never admit defeat without complaining.
That's my point. If you find yourself jealous, there's two way to handle it, the bad way and Ben's way.
Exactly. That's why when I'm asked:
ReplyDelete"Are You Jealous?"
I answer with the utmost pleasure: "Oh yeah, very much so, jealousy it my middle name."
I saw thinking things over yesterday and I don't like "two kinds of jealousy" concept. It's confusing. I propose the following:
ReplyDeleteJealous turned bad is bitterness