Normally, I respect a protocol when it comes to write something. I try to verify in some ways, nothing scientific, if what I think makes sense. In order to do that, most often I try to create a situation with people around me without them knowing what I'm really doing. But tonight, I won't respect the protocol. I'll reuse something I already thought of and revamp it with a thing that just happened to me.
Looking beyond words is something I like to say I've mastered in the last couple of years. I start with the assumption that everyone's lying once in a while. I'm not talking about big lies, but the small ones. The mild and soft ones. The kind of lies that is used to hide something or to manage someone else feeling.
How do I do that ? Sometimes I'm looking for the choices of words, for the sentence's suggestive sense. Or often from the story told versus what the body is telling. Tonight I made an interesting discovery. I noticed fear is a strong clue about others real thougths. I think in particular situation, by asking the question, what does the person in front me could be afraid of, the answer might be relevant information about the motives of a lie and it might lead you to spot it.
Let me clarify something before adding anything else. Spoting lies is not meant to put you in situation of confrontation. You should not try to expose others. Its only purpose is to give you information about how to make your next move. How to adapt your behaviors.
So back to spotting lies. If you've read one of my previous blog entry in which I talked about the level of truth. You understand that the lies exist because we can't always handle the truth. I think it needs a little adjustment. Absolute truth is fearsome. It can turn our whole world upside down. It can create a billion situations in which you're vulnerable. Lying shields you. It protects you and protects others from bad situations.
That's why fear is a strong tell about spotting lies, about going beyond words. Like I said, I'm writing this in the heat of the moment. I spotted a soft lie, from someone close to me. It indicated me that my behavior is a little off track. That I'm pushing too hard. Good or bad, I'll use this information to be less of a threat to this person's fear so this very person won't need to lie again about this particular event.
I might write again about this after I verify more deeply the relation between fear and lies. Also, If you want me to explain more in details my techniques to spot lies, leave a comment.
Well, it's hard to argue against your rationale. I would go as far as saying I've learned a thing or two in your post and that your upstanding behavior about what you put up is consequential with your discourse.
ReplyDeleteYour philosophical wits are sharpening up my friend.
That reminds me how zesting is confrontation when you prepare yourself. Today a co-worker threatened me by email. When he started his shift, I confronted him about the problem and he backed out of the conversation fearfully. It's exhilarating to have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Thanks Ben. It's appreciated.
ReplyDeleteAs for your co-worker. It appears to me that he sended you the e-mail because he didn't had the balls to tell you face to face. Possibly because he knew his arguments weren't good enough to support a confrontation. If they were good enough, he would had feel prepared like you did. It makes me think it was more something like to intimidate you than to make a point. Like a little dog barking. If you go forward and show no fear, the dog will back off. The reasons why the dog barked in the first place is somehow meaningless.
Am I wrong?