Toxic friends

Today I'm having a little thought about friends of the past. The title says "toxic" because that's what they were to me back then. But now I'm over it. And they probably are too so I won't bother you with any stories about them. 

To think of them made me think about the whole process I've been through to notice it was no more good for me to be their friend. It didn't came clear waking up in the morning on a given day. It was more of a long road without exits and without gas stations. As far as you go further on it, you're not quite sure where it leads. The only clues you get is that it's getting worst. There's more bumps, more holes in it. You slow down a little and you continue driving on it, remembering how smooth it was a few hundred kilometers back and wishing the road to get better. 

Until, you realize that is a dead end. Oh you probably never saw the sign and you probably won't see it without going further many hundred kilometers. But the truth is, you feel it's a dead end and you feel it's ruining your car. There's a problem though. It's dark and cold outside. Also, you're not quite sure what's lurking in the dark. So you might be tempted to stay in the car and continue to drive, wishing you got it all wrong and the car won't break. But it will only delay the inevitable. You'll need to get out of the car, and find your own way home. You'll need to face the darkness, the cold and maybe some monsters you were protected from while in the car. 

So that's why I say they were toxic. Because whatever my decision was, staying in the car or to face the darkness alone, the immediate consequences were not fun at all. But to respect myself, I needed to get out of the car. 

Because the morning you wake up feeling proud of yourself, you are over it. It won't necessary means you've defeated all the monsters and you're out of the dark. It would simply means there's no hard feelings anymore. Because that's what it's all about. To make the next step in your life. Things change and sometimes you need to understand that friends can become toxic to you. It's not because they're bad persons. But because you don't get along with them anymore. 

In the heat of the fights, just before getting out the car, you argue about things that don't really matter. No one is right nor wrong. It's just not a good fit anymore. We used to see each others around Christmas and  the new year holidays and I'm pretty sure they'll talk about how crazy they think I am for getting out of the car. Quite frankly if they do, I don't really care. Because they're not toxic anymore to me. They're part of a past "me", that can't fit with my present "me". 

So my advice is, if you find yourself on that bumpy dead-end road. Don't be too afraid of the dark. Get all the courage you have and get out of the car. Someday, you might wake up like me, and see under the decorated tree, the best gift you could ever imagine to give to yourself for Christmas.