This weekend. I'm calling it off. I mean, no computer, no socialization of any kind, or the least possible. It'll be me alone with me. I'll be reading, thinking, walking, running. I'm experiencing strange feelings lately. I feel that void inside that need to be fill. I remember something I use to talk about with an old friend of mine. It was about beginnings and endings.
I don't remember if I blogged about this already but it goes like this. Our lives are a subsequence of overlapping beginnings and endings. In between is the boring part. You are usually more thrilled with Beginnings. Endings are either a relief or a loss but they always make room for new beginnings. So the less time you spent in between the more fun, valuable, meaningful your life may be.
That's why events like having kids, buying an house, vacations, or whatever is a new beginning, is like a boost for your life, or your couple according to theses examples. If you get stuck too much in between, then you'll get bored. And when you get bored you tend to feel different about the same things that were thrilling when they were "beginnings".
I think that defines the void I'm feeling right now. I'm stuck in between. The problem is, I'm not quite sure of what I want as a new beginning. Well that's not true. It would be more acurate to say there's nothing at reach that comes into my mind that I would like to start. I also haven't realized yet if I need to end something to make room for a new thing in my life.
These are the questions I hope my weekend will help me elude. It's an interresting exercice to do. I did it a few times in the last couple of years and it was always a rewardful experience. I know most people don't feel the need to do this because they feel, most time, overwhelmed with their occupations. Like it's full, no room for anything. I'm not judging. It's fine if they feel happy about it.
But as I rejected the contemporary way of living ( and ironically working in a very contemporary field of expertise ). It became a very important issue to me to find meaningful things to do with my life. I'm no more ( or less ) interrested in accumulating belongings, spending hours on irreleavant entertainment or anything that don't enhance myself on some level. I find it challenging but I'm still asking myself what's the big picture of doing all this.
Anyhow, that's what I found to be the best way to change into someone who's looking to elevate his mind and having more respect in his body ( than I had before ).
It's a good point. I recommend you read Sigmund Freud "Malaise dans la culture" (I don't know the English title). It talks about how religion is a fantasy or regression. That from the womb, being born and growing up is a series of fracture that break our feeling of well-being, but at the same time, shape who we are.
ReplyDeleteSo fighting this urge to "begin" everything all over again, persisting, accepting change and making the better of hardships might just be the most human thing somebody can do. I command you for doing that. It's by throwing yourself at the world that you'll make things happen.
Thanks Ben for your recommendation. I will try to add it soon on my shelf.
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