Thursday, April 28, 2011

Self-Improvement ( was about weaknesses at first but ... )

I must admit it. Lately I've been weak. It's not something I'm ashamed of. Believe me. I'm not going to give you the men should not show weaknesses. I prefer to think weaknesses are useful. You can take the best of out them if you don't fall into showing weakness to lure someone into compassionate involvment to strengthen them or if you fall into despair and complaint. 

My point is, every men have to right to be weak once in a while. It's not really important to show or hide them to others. However, it's part of the truth you owe to yourself. When you feel vulnerable and you're weak. You got to be honest with yourself and to not be ashamed to feel this way. That's not a threat to your manhood. The threat is how you react to weaknesses. To man up doesn't mean to hide them. It's to find a way to turn weaknesses into strenghts. And by that, I mean without having someone else taking care of the problem. You need to feel that you are the solution to you. It doesn't mean to never ask for help or never accept help. It means you must be part of the action. For instance. If you lack confidence in bed. You can't rely only on your partner to tell you how "great" you are or to fake your so-called greatness. What if your partner stops making this? What if you change your sex partner? 

You see what I'm telling you ? If the solution comes from others, then it's a contextual solution. It's not solving your weakness. So I was saying that I was weak. For a few days, I must admit I was drifting away with fatalist ideas. And that is exactly why I'm writting this. I realized that weaknesses, like many other things I pointed to you in previous blog entries, are calls to step up, to man up, to change into a better version of yourself. 

I'm really into this self-improvement thing. It's the fuel I use to find a meaning out of the things I do. And I also think it's where the philosophical part of all my posts on self improvement is. It's about living a meaningful life. I know most of the people I know don't always need to know exactly why they do what they do. They go with the flow of their lives and wish it will lead them to some place, somewhere, where, you know, there's happiness. What they don't realize is happiness is like flowers along the road of your life. You'll eventually find many as you live your life, but as you advance on that road, it won't necessary means there will be more flowers the further you go. That's why the meaning of it is so important. The meaning in this image helps you apreciate the flowers without always wishing to see more later. 

I told you on a previous blog entries that we see the goals we set for ourselves as destinations. We tend to believe that after you achieved these you'll be more happy (  I'm referring to the wish for more flowers  further on the road). I said it was some kind of illusion. Because you miss the point. The point is to know exactly why you want that destination reached. For instance. I went to school to get a job, to earn a living, to earn money. I got it, admirably I must add. 

Am I really more happy then I was while I was studying? No I'm not. I can't tell you the difference. Because I thought it was what was normal to do. Of course I'm not suggesting I should quit my job because I didn't understood the meaning of all this while I was doing it. But this particular mistake is the reason why I don't feel much better now that my career is right on track where I pictured it would. 

And that's really the point about self improvement. All the perks you get out of the things you do don't have a true meaning if it's not improving yourself and if you don't understand how it does then that's not as rewarding as it should. It will feel like buying a giant TV screen. Fun at first, and void after a while.     

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Sufferings

I think I need to precise à point about sufferings. I'm not the bouddhist type of man who thinks suffering comes from desires. Well it's very true. I do think that. But the bouddhist solution, to not desire anything, is somehow a nonsense to apply in our lives. I mean, unless you've got a strong willpower and become a monk or an hermite. It's an ideal that is quite impossible to achieve and it becomes absurd to chase it. 

So we're doomed to manage our sufferings. Again, I'm not a fan of letting things go and wait for getting better when I'm down or to wait and live with it long enough to be used to it so it becomes less harmful. These methods, often used by many, are for those who complaint about their bad luck or their fate. Let me use myself as an example. I'm not the type of man who pleases women. I used to suffer from it and to apply theses methods and quite frankly. They work, until next time you suffer. Because they don't force you to change. 

My point is, sufferings are to be embraced and praised. It's your feelings talking to your inner "you". It means you're not who you want to be. For the record, I don't think there's an end of this. You should never be complaisant with yourself. If you are, then you're missing something. Anything that can trigger improvement of self should be taken seriously. It should never be something you let go. It's an opportunity and it's valuable. It turns to suffer into something good instead of something bad if you get to understand and find a meaning out of it. 

The choice between truth and lies

In my previous blog entries, I talked a lot about lies. The ones you tell to others and the ones you tell to yourself. The first is a tool, the second, a treat. I realized that I never talked much about truth and the choice. Again, I think there's two kind of truth. One for others, one for yourself. The last kind of truth mentionned is on the opposite of lies : rewardful. 

Between truths and lies there's always a three-way choice. Either you choose the lie, truth or nothing at all, which means ignoring the choice. Whatever you choose. Most of the time, it'll be in your own interest. Or so you think it will. Consciously or not. There's always a motive for all of our choices. So basically, I'm not making any extraordinary discovery here. I'm only telling you that sometimes our choices are good and sometimes they're not. Therefore, you might think it's no use to talk about it. Just let go and see where its leading you to. I think otherwise. 

First and foremost. Let's clarify something. Nobody's always telling the truth. If they say they are. They are either lying to you or to themselves or maybe both. Even if it would be possible. It'd be extremly stupid to think your interest always comes with the same answer, the same choice. 

Second, it's a battle, a struggle, a fight. Sometimes, in order to land a punch you have to take one yourself. That means that your interest is never always to duck situations with your choices. Your interest might be to tell a truth or a lie or nothing that gives you a disadvantage now, but will be an advantage later. Think of coming clean when you did something awful to gain back someone's confidence instead of going further down in the moving sands of lies. 

Third, mix it up. I said it's like fighting. If you always throw uppercuts. You'll never / rarely land them. You'll be ineffective. You need to keep people offbalance. Why ? Well let's be honest with ourselves and leave the magical world of fearies and wand of wonders for a second. You own a choice and if someone's got you figured it out, it takes it away. You become vulnerable to this person in a bad way regarding your interest and it will place you in situations where you might not want to. Ohh I see you coming by a mile, lovers, you don't agree because that's what your looking for in your relationship. You want the other to know you so well he'll see right through you. Well, Hello dear fearie, here's a wand of wonder. I'm not a fan of letting others in control of my life. The least pull they have. The better. And there's a reason why. What I want is my path to happiness and I will get what I want only by being my own and only master. And no, lovers, it doesn't mean to stay single. It means to always have that choice to tell the truth, lo lie or to ignore. Because what I want is the motive, the interest I'm talking about. 

So I guess, the lesson I taught myself, over the years, was to know exactly why I'm making my choices between truths, lies and nothing. It must always serve a greater purpose of my engineered life. It must have a meaning.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Kurt Vonnegut - Mother Night

Hi readers,

A friend of mine suggested I should write about the books I read. So It'll be something new on this blog. I must warn you though I'm not an erudite expert at analysing novels like my friend at dead end follies. You won't find reviews here. Only thoughts about philosophical ideas and/or images I can take out of the novels I read. So I'll start out with Mother Night. 

The story takes place during and after WWII. Howard J. Campbell is an american making a living as a play writer in Germany. He's hired by the Nazi party to write and broadcast on the radio Nazi propaghanda in english for the world to hear. He's also hired by a US Army corporal to act as a spy, coding war information in his broadcasts. Campbell narrates his life before going to trial for war crimes for which is not guilty since he was helping both sides. 

I think Vonnegut's goal, added to many ironic images and situations, was to give the reader a hard time choosing sides. Where right can be wrong and wrong can be right. I found myself, through Campbell's love for Helga, daughter of a notorious police chief, and his friendship with Kraft, a russian spy and Dr Jones, an extremist nazi american, rooting for the "bad" side. Because Vonnegut turns what is known to be the most inhuman ideas of the 20th century into the most human behaviors and feeling between the characters that share these ideas. Campbell, however, never believed what he was saying. It was a job, in the country he was living in, with the girl he loved. Yet, what he said, about jews, brought him to meet people that truly share nazis idea and they turned out to be the only persons he could trust and share feelings and compassion. 

The point Vonnegut tries to make is moraly good or evil don't necessary make good or evil persons.and are not always driven by good or evil motives. In fact, I often say that good and evil doesn't exist at all and I think Mother Night draws the line of this idea. This fiction novel is supposed to be a moral challenge. I didn't see it this way. Though it's moraly confusing to be attached to the "bad" guys in history, to a point where the reader is dragged into believing in their humanity, it's not enough for me to propose it's a moral challenge. It might be for most readers, but it was't for me. I think it's only an exemple that good and evil are perspectives and not characteristics.     

I won't spoil the end of the books for those who wants to read it. But I need to mention it's surprisingly in contradiction with everything Vonnegut makes us think about Campbell's innocence and I still don't understand why Vonnegut ended his story the way he did.