Understanding jealousy

Are you jealous?

It's a legitimate question. Whatever answer you might give, yes, no, sometimes or it depends on the situation. It's irrelevant to me. Your answer is based on a level of truth you allow yourself to see about you. But that's not really the point. The most important answer you could give me to this question is something that would tell me how good you understand what jealousy means.

I'm not giving you the insecurity/fear/anxiety speech. These are for me, only responses to jealousy. So tell me what are the reasons you might get jealous for? No, don't tell me if your girlfriend spend times with another guy. I don't give a fuck. That's not a reason, that's an excuse to be jealous. The concept of jealousy comes directly from the concept of competition. What does it mean? Do you remember my thoughts and theories about humans being animals. Well you got it, competition is a root level concept of the animal kingdom. It means, as animals, we'll face, throughout all of our lives, different kind of competitions.

Jealousy is a feeling you might have, when you forgot about how inevitable competition is. Let's look at it this way. If you anticipate a loss, without having fought, then you're jealous. It's some kind of distortion of the animal we are because we don't see ourselves as animals. If I say, competition is everywhere in everything because it's our nature, our fate, then, it would be accurate to be competitive. Even when there's little hope for a win. You just need to compete because you shouldn't question it.

 

Let's make an example. You and your girlfriend are in a relation for some times. You notice she has particular interests in someone else she's friend with. You feel somehow threaten by the situation she's putting you in. Because of this cultural concept we invented, the couple, we exposed us to the illusion that the other shouldn't put you in a competition. You know, because you put thrust in your relationship and morally, we all agreed on some kind of unwritten contract about what is appropriate and what is not. One of them is the elimination of competition. Which is, if you understand our animal nature, something at the complete opposite.

 

That said, if to be jealous is about refusing competition, then it can't be the right thing to do considering our animal nature. Actually, it should have never existed, only if we would have been honest about who we are. Next time you feel threaten or you anticipate defeat. I suggest you compete instead of complaining to the person who put you in the situation.

Victimization

This is a very delicate subject to me. The main reason why is about how my mother is. She's in the eye of an hurricane named Victim.

Victimization is, to me, the worst thing to do ever. The way people, like my mother, refuse to see their problems as their own responsibility, pretending to be victims of others so we should feel pity for them even if you know there are solutions available. It disgust me at the uttermost level possible. Let me explain why.

First of all, you're never a victim. You choose to be one. Alright, I'll admit it, if you're 10-12 years old and some bastard takes your anal virginity in a shed with Justin Bieber posters on the wall. You're a victim. No one should be forced to look at Justin Bieber while being raped in the ass. Let alone the jokes, there are very bad situations people can't help, they are rightfully victims. Besides these, you're not a victim, you're choosing excuses to be pitiful.

By acting this way, not only you're not helping yourself, you might became a pain in the ass for others and I've yet to mention if they get tired and figured out the victim's game you're playing, they won't accept to be victims of your exaggerated victimization. Funny thing, it leads the "victim" to think he's more of a victim. Ugly.

Second, and it's the absurd part, you are, in some way, really a victim. Not of others or situations you blame your problems for, but of yourself. Victimization is a pattern and a destructive one. It's the reflex to always think the only way to solve them is for other peoples to see and feel your pain so they'll change their ways to stop or prevent you from being hurt. It's being coward, to lack courage to tell yourself the truth and making the needed changes to really solve them by yourself.

For example, a wife is blaming her husband for not taking care of her enough. She thinks the only way to solve the problem is for him to change his ways instead of thinking why, he might not be more tempted to spend time with her. Maybe she's not telling him the right way or maybe she's not making an effort to be interested about what he do, so he'll be more influenced to do the same. Another way to see it is if she's not happy, because she thinks her sadness is bound to her husband not taking care of her, then why not to look for happiness elsewhere. That doesn't mean she needs to leave him. It may be something like spending more time with friends, or starting a new hobby. What I'm trying to say is the real problem is the way she handles the situation. If she were dealing with it without leaving the only solution to her husband to change, then she would make the needed changes more easily and with more efficiency.

If you can't help yourself at least a little, don't expect others will do all the sacrifices for you. It won't happen.

For the record, my mom made my sister's a crying scene because she was complaining she knows nothing about my life. Which is not 100% true nor absolutely false. She knows a lot, but not anything. Who expect to know every aspect of his almost 30 years old son's life? All of this started when she saw a picture of me on Facebook with a girl she didn't knew. I know you may think I'm complaining and in some way I'm acting victim too but I'm not. I refused to play the game with my mom. I'm just trying to make a point.

Final word. Seeing yourself as a victim will never make things better. So get your shit back together the minute you recognize the pattern. And it's easy to notice it. If you think your problems are because of others. Then you're playing victim.

P.S. That's not the only event that made me think about victimization. There are so many, done by many people I know, me included, and none of them was justified after thinking of it.

The lies within

Have you ever read short stories or short sentences with a sloppy morale like be yourself or live in the present. I mean, in fact, these may look like good advices or like it's the right thing to do. But more often, they're not applicable or you can't really tell for sure if you do or if you don't. That's why I say they're sloppy. They exists to make you feel better about yourself so you can believe you're living in the present while still having fights over old events with your ex-husband/wife. Or thinking you're honest and the next thing you do is to call in sick over a lie.

The truth is, and it's sad to say so, people tend to believe they're better person than they actually are. Don't get me wrong, I'm no psychologist, but it may looks like it's a defensive mean and it's a good thing. As a philosopher, I think it's like the fog before your eyes. It prevents you to see clear. You can't help it, but what you do is to lie to yourself and you believe that very lie so you think it's the truth. Don't you think it's pathetic? If you don't, I do. Let me explain you why.

What does growing means? Does it means to get older? I think not. Does it mean to get futher in life like becoming a father? I think not. Growing is about getting better, becoming wiser, being able to use more and more tools out of the lessons life taught you. Do you see what I'm trying to tell you? How can you get better if you lie to yourself about how good you are? How can you grow? No offense meant, but it's a bit stupid don't you think?

Having said that, I do think you're better off telling yourself the truth, even if it hurts, than lying to yourself to manage your feelings about you, about the way you see yourself as a human being. I'm not telling you to never lie. I think it's impossible to never do. But you should never do it to you. You owe this to yourself so you can grow.

The need to thrust the law

As inviduals, we have basic needs. They all share the same goal which is survival. We responded to them by creating tribes, communities or more generaly societies. So It was easier to build shelters to get protection from differents wheathers or enemies, easier to hunt for food. etc. Keep in mind that we did that to survive as individuals. The main objective was always centered towards oneself and never towards a group. So we invented thrust, that's what keeps the group united, like it's a glue. Without it. Nothing like that would be sucessful.

For centuries, the humankind tried to put that thrust in a box. It was necessary because everyone was vulnerable to others. To thrust someone is to be vulnerable of something but not feeling threaten by it. Being vulnerable without thrust is exhausting because you need to always keep your guard up. In other words, thrust was created so you can lower your guard. Putting thrust in a box was necessary to make sure no one would take advantage of your vulnerabilities. It was created to preserve thrust.

Well the box is an image. It represents the laws. We created them to make sure thrust is most often respected and so we can all lower our guards and feel safe. The funny thing is, today we think laws are created to preserve freedom. It can't be. the concept of freedom is bound to the individual who's alone to survive and with it, comes the threats, chaos. It's either, laws ( less freedom ) and safety or no laws ( more freedom ) and more threats. In the process, the more laws we created, the more far from the free animal in a dangerous chaotic world we get.

What is ironic, there's still a risk ahead. It's loosing touch with the reasons we created this mecanism in the first place. If we get this way, then laws are not only used to preserve the thrust we need to share as society to survive, but also to be in the service of something else or someone else. I do think we made that mistake at some point in the evolution of our societies. It may explain why we're living in a world of conflicts. Sometimes we feel laws are unfair, or we know it ain't right. So one may became an outlaw. Not because he's evil or not well educated. But because he feels threaten by the same thing that should make him feel safe.

This is why I'm telling you about the mistake we made.The only explanation I see is that laws aren't always to preserve that thrust. If it really was, then no one would ever want to break it. Because it would be a basic prime need to anyone like you'll never question the need to eat.

Void like me

Lately, I spent a few eves feeling some kind of void inside me. I don't think it's despair nor depression. I don't feel it that way. Simply, I'm looking for some meaning in the things I do. Let me give you an example. I haven't play video games for 6 or 7 months now. In the past, I used to enjoy it. Since then, playing a game became meaningless. I know it's only entertainment, but I felt it gives me nothing else than wasting my time ( and my money ).

What's the point in spending many hours hitting buttons on a remote controler to watch characters shooting at targets to get further in the game? It's kind of useless. At that time, It wasn't as clear as today in my mind but what I felt about playing video games was the very same void I'm feeling right now. So I guess, I replaced video gaming by something else in order to fill that void. More recently I spent many hours watching tv series such as Dexter, Californication and The wire. What I'm trying to figure out is what are the things I could do that won't end up as meaningless to me, like tv series and video games?

Let me tell you, feeling that void is not really a good mood to be. For the record, getting drunk feels the same as playing video games or watching tv series. Sometimes, I think I'm looking for ice in the desert. If I'm considering myself as an animal, then the meaning of life, of my life should be raising kids, and working on having a secure environment for them, house, clothes, food whatever. It would be a start in explaining why I'm feeling the way I feel about meaningless things.

Because right now, I guess I'm not living like I'm supposed to be. I have no kids, no plans to have one in a near future. As a matter of fact, I'm single. I'm as far as I can be from having a kid. On top of that, I don't feel ready. So having no one else to take care except for myself, combined with the way life is these days, having a roof and a meal isn't what I may call challenging or something I could be proud of. I'm definitly ready for a change.