Fitting in

As a grown up, approaching 30, I often look back in my past, trying to find clues about questions I ask myself. As I was analysing my younger years, back to the elementary school times, I discovered something I think is very important regarding my development as an adult. That's about learning to fit in.

Elementary school is probably the most chaotic environment you may experience during your life. It's full of cruel kids that haven't yet to understand what you can or cannot tell or do to someone. For exemple, as a kid, one may laugh and say terrible things to another kid about his differences. As an adult, you'll be more cautious to not hurt someone this way. I don't think it has anything to do with the higher possibilities that his differences made you laugh when you're young and doesn't when you're old. It's only because you learned this behavior is inappropriate. So as a kid, trying to fit in is a major priority for your social life. You don't want others kids to make fun of you. Your actions are more influenced by this preoccupation than you may think. You want and need to fit in.

The truth is, or should I say the problem is, you may try as hard as you want to fit in a group, you'll always be the odd man's out. Like in a jigsaw puzzle. If you find a piece that may matches the form and seems to fit. If the colors and/or the drawing doesn't fit, you know it's not the place for this particular piece. So what's the right way to do it? It's not to try to fit it in, it's to find where it fits better. Unfortunatly, life's not exactly as a puzzle. Your shape changes so does your colors. Confusing as it may be, you can't really tell whenever you're trying to fit in or you're searching for where you fit better and I didn't even mention all the misunderstandings and problems it may trigger when you were in a place you fit in and you change into someone who doesn't fit in anymore.

If we take a look at the big picture, we might see some kind of hapiness receipe. You simply want every piece of the life's puzzle to fit in perfectly. It appears to me like some kind of lesson. It's useless to try to change or changing someone else so you can feel better if you recognize a situation you don't fit in. You'd be better searching elsewhere where you fit.