My body and me

When I think of me, as a representation of the person I am, I think about thoughts, personnality, behaviors and body. what's interesting about this list is the relation of control I have over them. I'm pretty sure I control my thoughts, personality and behaviors. You may call this freewill. But what about my body? The relation is completly different. I feel the body, I'm not really deciding anything. I can't control my blood pressure, my heartbeat, nor any glands. I can't say, let's produce adrenalin, it'll be fun. Well I can, in a certain way. If I create an external stimulis to make it happen. But I can't decide this on my own, sitting in my living room.

And it bugs me a lot. Is the body, something appart from me? Like it's two different things. Who's taking decisions? Where's the command center? Who's running it. I can't figure how it does everything by itself like some kind of mechanical construction. Why do I feel I have no direct control over what should be me. Like I own it, instead of be it. When I stop and think about it, I feel like I'm small, inside, and trapt. I can't move. I'm moving my body but that's all. Don't you feel you're always somewhere behind the eyes and between the ears. Why can't I feel I'm in my foot?

I saw some videos of monks taking their minds over their bodies and achieving impressives things. So my guess is there's a key somewhere to the command center. A way I can be my body's own captain. Where I can be my body instead of having a body. It's the only clue I have to get the "animal" hypothesis I talked in this blog previous entries to a superior level. A level where I could tell, yes, humans are appart from animals. But until then, as long as my body works by itself, reacting to stimulis, over which I have no control, I'm still an animal or should I say, I'm inside an animal.